Connection: Talking & Listening
Stay connected while you talk or listen
Describing a traumatic event can pull the narrator – and the listener – into the chaotic past, and re-trigger a fight, flight or freeze reaction in the body.
For the occasions when you choose to describe a traumatic event – or listen to someone’s description – you’re encouraged to stay present to yourself, in addition to speaking or listening, direct your attention:
- to what’s happening to your breathing
- to what’s happening in your body
- to making space for emotions when they surface
- to taking all the time you need for your story, pausing whenever you need to take deeper breaths or to re-embody.
This re-direction gives your nervous system time to digest smaller pieces of your experience, and helps you stay present to yourself.
At first it may seem foreign – even unwanted. In time, attending to yourself will feel more natural.
Noticing brings the unconscious into consciousness.
Noticing takes practice.
When you are walking, driving, computing, eating,… just notice
- your breath,
- how tightly you hold the steering wheel, the mouse, your fork,
- if there’s an internal judge commenting on any of the above.
- As much as possible,
- Make no comparisons
- Make no judgements
- Delete the need to understand. (author, Brugh Joy)
Trauma does not make sense.
In time you’ll discover that trying to explain or understand the trauma is a futile effort. Over time, fragments may spontaneously fit themselves into a fuller picture.
Right now, return your to awareness to breath & sensations – to your connection with yourself in present time.
listening image: http://leadonesource.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/blah-blah.jpg